Actual statements found on insurance forms where drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible:

• Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• I thought my window was down, but found it was up when I put my head through it.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of his intentions.
• I collided with a stationary car going the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision, and I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front of me, I hit a pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into the other car.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car, and vanished. (Who was that masked vehicle?)
• I told the police that I was not injured, but upon removing my hat, found that I had a fractured skull.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the curb when I struck him.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end.
• I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in the ditch by some stray cows.
• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run, so I ran over him.

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly current she whacked him with a handy plank of wood by the back door, breaking his arm in two places. Until that moment he had been happily listening to his Walkman.

Also:

• Workmans Comp

  .